A day in the life of a toddler and newborn

Now that I have two kids one of the first questions I get asked is what is it like with two? Harder? The same? A dream? A nightmare? After 8 weeks of newborn and toddler 24/7 I decided to weigh in on the situation. Keep in mind this is with and 8 week old and a 20 month old. 

An Ideal Day:

5:00am- Henry, who sleeps in a rock n play sleeper by our bed, is squirming and grunting. I groggily check the time on my phone. 5 am?!? I sit up slightly and hold the phone closer. I put Henry down at 8:30, and he slept until 5. I smile. My boy is growing up! My celebration is cut short as Henry gives a short high pitched cry. I compare it to a baby animal, like a lion cub, calling for it's mother. It's loud and to the point. I stumble out of bed to shut the door. The last thing I need is William waking up too. I scoop up Henry and change his diaper. I give him his gas drops as he lays there calmly. I sit in my rocker and nurse him while I browse Reddit and check Facebook. He nurses himself back to sleep and after about 20 minutes I lay him back down and crawl into bed. 

8:45am- Henry begins to grunt again. I can hear Will on the baby monitor quietly talking to himself. Brent is stirring next to me. I scoop up Henry and start our routine. He smiles as I change his diaper. When I talk to him he coos. When I rub his head his entire face lights up. I nurse him as Brent gets up to get Will. I can hear them getting ready as Will giggles and babbles. I then hear little footsteps running to our room. 'Momma, momma, momma!' Will repeats it until he finds me and triumphantly yells 'Momma'! Then, seeing that I am nursing, yells 'Bubba!' He then quickly signs that he is hungry. I tell him to go see dada and he will make him something to eat. He runs away yelling 'sausage!', his favorite food.

9:15am- Henry is wide awake after his feeding. I set him in his rocker and drag him into the kitchen where Will is eating. Brent is loading the dishwasher. I make my coffee and fix some eggs. Will eats all of his food and asks to get down. On his way to the living room he leans into Henry's rocker and smiles, then runs away squealing. 

10:30am- Brent leaves for jiu jitsu. We post up in the living room as Henry begins to get tired. I turn on yo Gabba Gabba for Will and walk around the living room with Henry until he falls asleep. It usually takes a few dances with the Gabba gang before he is out. I sit on the couch while Will dances around to make sure Henry is really out. As I sit I drink my coffee. When I feel confident that Henry is out I lay him in the rock n play and leave him in the living room to nap. I take Will to his room to play. He loves the one on one attention.

12:30pm- Nap time for Will. I grab his bottle, change his diaper and put him in his crib. He loves his bottle, or 'baba', and happily gets in the crib. I give him a kiss and leave him. As I shut his door I hear the tell tell grunting in the living room. Time to nurse. I scoop up Henry change his diaper, he nurses and passes back out. 

1:30pm- Brent calls on his way home from the gym. I relax on the couch and eat lunch. When Brent gets home we watch TV and hang out until Will gets up. 

3:30pm- Will wakes up from his nap. Henry begins to stir as well. Brent goes to get Will and I get ready to nurse Henry. Brent makes Will something to eat and he eats a good amount of everything. When Henry is done nursing we all get ready to go out. If the weather is nice we go for a walk or to the park. If it is cold or rainy we go walk around a store or go to the grocery. Just something to get some energy out of Will. 

6:00pm- Henry nurses again and it's time for Will's dinner. He happily sits in his high chair and eats. When he is finished he hands me his plate. Usually at this point Brent holds Henry while I cook something and eat. I eat before I put Henry down just in case it's a 2 hour ordeal. You do not want to be frustrated with a baby AND hungry. 

7:00- I get everything ready for Will's bed time. I fill and put his bottle in the crib. I fill up his humidifier. I turn on his space heater and lay out his pajamas. I make sure his blankets and favorite stuffed animals are in his crib. I then switch with Brent. He takes over and does Will's bath and I get Henry ready for bed. 

7:30- I change Henrys diaper while Brent puts Will down. I give his gas drops and change his sleeper. I then turn on his humidifier and we sit down to nurse. He nurses to sleep and I burp him and transfer him to his rock n play sleeper. He stays asleep and I leave the room. 

8:30pm- I get a snack and snuggle up with Brent. We watch TV together and fold laundry or do a few chores. It's our grown up time. 

10:00pm- Glorious bed time. Gently drift into dreamland.

A not so Ideal Day....

1:30am- Henry is screaming crying. I quickly sit up and reach for my phone. 1:30am, Noooooo! This means he will be up at least one more time tonight. I turn my attention to the screaming child. I rush and shut the door so Will doesn't wake up. There must be something terribly wrong with Henry for him to be making that noise. He sounds like a wounded pig. I scoop him up and shush him. His face is blood red and the veins are buldging out on his head. I hug him closer and rock back and forth. He farts loud and long, then instantly calms down. I check to see if he will fall back asleep but his little fist goes straight to his mouth and he begins to suck. Apparently farting works up quite an appetite. I change his diaper and we sit down to nurse. He nurses, cries a little, nurses, farts, nurses. I check the clock. 30 minutes in and he's wide awake. I rock harder in the chair. Still awake. I shush him. Still awake. Finally, at 2:30, he goes to sleep.

4:00am- 'WAAaaaaaaaaaaa!' Will's cry is amplified by the monitor. Brent checks the screen, sighs, and gets up. I here him make his way into the nursery and work on calming Will down. I work on going back to sleep. 30 minutes later, sans Brent, I fall back asleep. 

6:00am- more crying. Time to eat. Again. I scoop him up. Change his diaper. Brent has made it back to bed. I sit down to nurse. 30 minutes later he's asleep and I am in bed. 

7:45am- grunting is coming from the rock n play sleeper. I check my phone. 7:45am? Nope. I reach one hand out from under the covers and try to rock Henry back to sleep. The grunting intensifies. I rock faster. Then I hear the rumble that is a poop explosion. I look over the side of the bed and see Henry's bright eyes. And we are up. 

8:15am- Will wakes up crying. I think I hear Brent whimper too as he goes to get him up. 

8:30am- nurse Henry again. I hear Will crying in protest as Brent changes his diaper, then more screaming for his bottle, which he is not allowed to have once he is up for the day. 

9:00am- Henry is up for the day. I drag his rocker into the kitchen. Will has decided that he doesn't want to eat his sausage. He throws it on the floor to the dog and signs for more. We give him avocado. One bite, then it's on the floor. Again he signs for more and points. Egg? No. A bar? No. Puffs? No. No. No. Fruit? Yes, but not all of it. He then asks to get down. I sit him down and he runs up to Henry, leans over, and snacks him on the head. I tell him 'No, we give Bubba kisses!'. He gets angry that I have mentioned kisses and growls at me, then screams and runs away. Ok then. 

10:30am- Brent goes to jiu jitsu. I turn on Gabba and begin rocking Henry in my arms. As I do I realize I forgot to get my coffee. And eat. Crap. I look down at Henry. We are 2 Gabba songs in and his eyelids are heavy. I'm in too deep to stop now. He falls asleep and I sit down. Will is extra excited today and is squealing more than usual. Each one makes Henry jump. I try to quietly tell Will to use his inside voice. He instead picks up a plastic toy and throws it across the room where it creates the LOUDEST NOISE EVER. 

11:30am- I try to lay Henry down. The second I do he opens his eyes. I pick him up and he's back out. Alright. I sit back on the couch and queue up Sesame Street. Will isn't amused. He try's to get me off the couch and I try tickling him with my feet. He giggles. We do it again and again. I realize my Will play time has digressed into poking him in the head with my feet. Whatever works I guess.

12:00pm- we all make our way back to the nursery to play. Henry has decided napping just isn't the plan today. I lay him in the crib while I sit on the floor and play with Will. We play cars. We play blocks. He starts to act sleepy so I start prepping for nap time.

12:45pm- I put Will in his crib with his bottle, give him a kiss, and leave the room. I change Henry's diaper and take him to the living room to nurse. I turn on the monitor and turn on the TV, finally some grown up time! Henry nurses and I check the monitor. Will is still awake. I check again and he has finished his bottle and thrown it out of the crib. Damn. He is standing and shows no sign of laying down. I stop nursing and sit Henry down. This sends him into a fit of baby rage. I go to the nursery where Will is waiting for me. He points to his bottle on the floor and tells me 'baba', which means refill my bottle, please. I refill it and give it back. Another kiss and back to Henry. We resume. 

1:30pm- Will is still awake and is now throwing all of his blankets out of the crib. That can only mean one thing. I successfully lay Henry in his rocker and he stays asleep. I go check on Will, walk into the nursery and he says 'I pooped'. That you did. I change him and lay him back down then make some lunch for myself.

2:00pm- Will has finished bottle number 2 and is still not asleep. Looks like no nap today. As I prepare to go get him Henry begins to grunt. You've got to be kidding me.

2:30pm- Brent is home and feeds Will lunch. He snacks a little but doesn't want any real food. He would rather play. 

3:34pm- Will try's to pick up a book that he is standing on. When he can't pick it up he falls over crying. 

3:40pm- Will is still mad about the book. Henry is ready to nurse again. 

5:30pm- Brent has to leave to teach. I nurse Henry and he feeds Will dinner before he leaves. Will eats a few bites. At the last bite he chews it a little before deciding he doesn't want it and spits it back out. Gross. He then throws his bowl on the floor. 

6:00pm- was hoping Henry would nap on his own but we've established that's not happening today. I grab my carrier and strap him on. I walk around the house and try to entertain Will while Henry naps. We march, we play chase, I sneak some food while he plays blocks in his room. If he knows I am eating he will eat half of it. I am usually ok with this, but not tonight. Momma's gotta eat. Will rounds the corner and finds me stuffing my face. I freeze as if his vision is based on motion. Like a t-Rex. His little brain processes what is happening and he starts chanting 'cheese, cheese, cheese!' Which is his version of 'please'. He then eats half of my dinner. 

7:00pm- bedtime! I get everything ready for Will while Henry is still strapped to my chest. Once the bath is ready I lay Henry in his crib and strip Will. Bath time goes smoothly until I tell him its time to get out. He acts like he doesnt hear me and keeps playing with his toys. I reach down to pick him up and he tries to curl into a ball. It takes all of my strength to pick up and carry his giant, wet, struggling body to his changing table. I lay him down and he is grinning. Turd. I lean in to kiss his adorable face and he punches me in the eye. Fantastic. Then it's jammies on and in the crib. Even with the rough day I still  live for him to jump in my arms and give me a kiss before I put him in the crib. 

7:30pm- Henry is next. Diaper and sleeper change, then it's time to nurse. He is restless. He latches and unlatches multiple times. I finally get him comfortable and he falls asleep. He then wakes up abruptly and screeches. I sit him upright and he HURLS all over me. This isn't a little spit up. It's enough liquid to soak my shirt, bra, pants, and boppy pillow. How? Why? WHY!?? I lay him on the changing table and change both of us. I take a deep breath, sit down and rock him. He finally falls and stays asleep. 

9:00pm- Brent gets home. We watch a little TV and I eat a lot of food. There is laundry to fold but its not going to happen tonight.

10:00pm- glorious bedtime. I lay in bed for 2 hours tossing a turning, because who needs sleep? 

And that's the jist. It is rare that we have a completely ideal day or a completely non ideal day. It is usually a mixture of both. And once you think you've got it figured out everything changes. Just when Will throws a temper tantrum he turns around and says a new word or gives you a hug. Just when Henry spits up so hard that he poops and it leaks on his clothes he then turns around and smiles. These kids are HARD, but this is my life. I am a mother. And I love, love, love these boys.  

15 crockpot recipes for the freezer

What, you thought I had disappeared? Abandoned my blog? Think again! What really happened isn't very exciting, but it's true none the less. I got pregnant with baby number two, baby number one turned into an insanely busy toddler, and I was working 40-50 hours a week. Therefore any spare time that I had to myself included just sitting staring at the wall in exhaustion. Seriously. The last thing I could muster was blogging.

But I'm back! I have so much to blog about. I've got to write about my second c-section experience, my new beautiful baby, my old beautiful baby, and life with two kids.

First I am touching base on food. I am by no means Martha Stewart. In fact, I can't remember the last time I cooked my family a meal. Did I mention I've been exhausted? But today something awesome happened. I prepped 15 meals for the crockpot. You might think 'big deal', but I could not be more proud of myself! I have 15 meals in my freezer right now that I can thaw and cook whenever we need them. Seriously a big deal.

It all started when a good friend of mine told me about a website that showed you how to buy, prep, and cook meals for your crock pot. She sent me the link and I procrastinated for about 2 months. I wanted to prep these meals before the baby came, but instead I waited until after he was born. Not the smartest thing I have ever done, but also not the dumbest. Here is the website:

http://www.mamainspired.com/2013/01/mass-crock-pot-dinners.html

The first hurdle was the grocery shopping. Not only was it a large list, it would be the first time we were shopping as a family of four. But I was determined, and with Henry only 6 days old we loaded the boys into the car and went on our very first family grocery trip. My plan was to divide and conquer. I gave Brent and Will the meat and produce list while Henry and I grabbed the rest. We got all of our ingredients in 30 minutes! Bam, super success. The whole grocery list cost 161.00, and I'm sure you coupon people could make that a lot less. I'm just thankful that we made it out of the store alive. Now, before you leave for the grocery make sure you take a close look at the list. She doesn't give you exact measurements for things like chicken and beef broth and some of the seasoning. We also didn't have enough chicken because she gives you how many lbs you'll need, but the recipes call for a certain number of breasts. Make sure you count how many breasts you will need!

Next up was the prep. We came home from the grocery, put everything away, and took a nap with the kids.

Then the next day we took another nap.

And the next day.....more napping.

3 days later and success! We got up and prepped everything. We did it a little differently then she recommends. We first labeled all of the bags. Some of the recipes call for adding things with just an hour left in cooking, so I wrote those instructions on the bags as well. We then put the meats in the bags, that way we could disinfect everything before prepping veggies. Veggie prep was the most time consuming part. Cutting up 5 lbs of potatoes took me forever. Once veggies were prepped I opened all of the canned goods and measured my seasoning. Then I put everything in the bags, sealed them up, and put them in the freezer! Bam!

She said it took her about 2 hours of prep. It took us about 3 hours because of a nursing break for the new babe and trying to entertain an 18 month old.

The recipes look pretty yummy! Hopefully this will help other busy moms!

Times, they are a changin'

I have been slacking terribly on this whole blog thing. Will began to walk and things got hectic. So I am sure you are wondering, what are the Weedman's up to these days? Here are some Clif Notes on the past few months.

Lets see....where did I leave off? Oh, yeah! I'm currently pregnant with baby number two. My pregnancy has been uneventful so far. Quite similar to my pregnancy with Will, with only a few changes. The most noticeable change would have to be my eating habits this time around. I was much more nauseous in my first trimester with this bean. This baby didn't want anything to do with vegetables, just the sight of broccoli had me dry heaving. I wanted ice cream, bacon, terrible things. Luckily I am past that now and back to eating healthy food. Healthy food PLUS the occasional (or daily) ice cream or candy bar. I'm currently 16 weeks and we find out the sex in 4 weeks!

Will has changed so much in the past few months. If I don't write it down I'm worried the little moments will be lost in the blur that will be the end of this year. A new baby and a new routine. I want to remember what you are doing right NOW! So here it goes, William.

At the end of March you took your first steps. Now, only 2 months later, you are walking, running (or speed walking) and climbing. You are such a busy body. Every once in a while you will stop for a quick kiss or to sit in my lap, but these are rarities. Even though you are our independent little guy you are such a sweetie. You learned to blow kisses and give them out whenever someone says bye. The other day I was sitting on the floor and you gave me a hug. I could have died it was so sweet. You also kiss your stuffed animals while sitting alone in your crib...before throwing them over the side. Thats a new thing, everything in your crib must be on the floor the second you wake up. Dad thinks you are throwing things out to create some padding so that you can then jump out. I have a bad feeling that he might be right.

You won't stop eating. It's insane how much you eat. Forget a college fund, we need a grocery fund to keep you alive so you can even get to college. Here is what you usually eat:

Breakfast: 3 eggs, a serving of fruit (or sometimes two) usually strawberries. The other day I sauteed some chard and you ate all of that too. It was supposed to be my breakfast...turd.

Snack: Gluten free puffs, mums, a banana or whatever fruit I have handy before your nap.

Lunch: Meat ( you LOVE sausage), veggies (today you downed almost a cup of fresh green beans), and sweet potato puffs (tater tots), Fruit (today it was a peach) and some raw bars I made you with dates, cashews, pumpkin seeds, and coconut

Dinner: Whatever we are eating, today it was Falafel, more sausage, some lamb that we were having for dinner, hummus, and more strawberries

Snack: More raw bars, this time with dates, cashews, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin, and chocolate chips.

So. Much. Food. You also love whatever I happen to be eating. I can't count how many times you have eaten half of my meal. There are some things that you won't eat, like chicken. I like to think it's because you really enjoy talking to chickens. Our neighbors have some that you like to go out and say hi to them. You also love going to our CSA so you can watch the chickens. We have decided to build a coop and get some next spring. Mostly because you eat THREE eggs every morning, but also because we think you would really enjoy having them.

You are sleeping like a champ, 12 hours through the night. I assume it is because you NEVER stop during the day except for your one nap. I am pretty thankful for it though.

You just said dada the other day. Your total word count is 6ish. Mama, dada, cup, dog, cat, and gabba (as in Yo Gabba Gabba). I say ish because dog and cat are fuzzy, but you know what your are talking about.

You have been kicking around a soccer ball lately which makes me really happy. I'll teach you all sorts of tricks.

We can get you laughing if we hold your foot up to our noses and sniff, then dramatically pull it away and say "pew, pew, pew!! Stinky baby!". This was really fun until summer came and you started to sweat. No your feet smell like a million butts. It still makes you laugh but it is much less fun for us. Pew.

And best of all, we are now throwing temper tantrums. Most of the time we just laugh at you. It is too soon to tell if this will cause any psychological damage in the future, but man you are funny. Most of the tantrums include laying on the ground crying, a lot of time you just bend at the waist and put your forehead on the floor, screaming. They never last long, and you are too little to explain anything to. Its this weird limbo where there really isn't anything to be done except trying my best to show you why you can't do something, like run around with a fork or throw my phone into the dog's water bowl. However, you are just grasping simple words like dada, so me explaining that you could jab the fork into your eyeball doesn't quite sink in like it should. Therefore I take the fork away and you go into downward facing dog temper tantrum until you get distracted by something else, usually another dangerous object I have accidentally left within your reach.

Overall you are awesome. I can't get enough of your little butt. You bring me nothing but happiness, even when you are having one of those days. I can not wait to add your little brother or sister to the pack. It will be our little family unit, complete and awesome. There is so much to learn and do and endure in the years ahead. Buddy, you have no idea what is in store for you.

Round Two!

Turns out we are some baby making fools. That's right, we are pregnant again! I'm sure you have many questions. For example, didn't you just do this? Was this planned? Have you lost your mind? Let me answer some of these for you.

First things first. We wanted to have two kids, no doubt. We did not, however, think they would be this close together! Surprise! Sometimes things just happen. Sometimes grown adults aren't as smart as maybe they should be. Sometimes.

So there is your answer. This baby that I am currently brewing was not planned, but it is definitely wanted. I mean have you seen the first one we made? He might be the cutest baby in the history of babies. Why wouldn't we make another one?

Yes, we had a little freak out moment. Actually, it was more of a stunned moment. I took a pregnancy test, sat it on the sink and went to fill my water bottle. When I came back to the bathroom I saw a faint positive on the test. I grabbed it, went to the living room and threw it at Brent. "What do you see?" I asked. He grabbed it and responded "I don't know, some lines....wait, are you pregnant!!!?"

We then sat on the floor together and discussed. Lots of "I can't believe it, and more of "I can't believe it". It took a minute or two. Then we began to think of the positives. We wanted two kids. They will be close in age so they will hopefully be best friends. We are already in baby mode, might as well keep on trucking.

The next morning I woke up. Laid in bed for a second, then said, "Holy shit, I'm pregnant." We went about our day as usual, still a little stunned.

On the second day it went from stunned to full blown excitement. A sweet little baby! And now I actually know what the hell I'm doing. The hardest part with baby Will in the beginning was breastfeeding. Now that I've got that down we just have to battle the first four weeks of literally no sleep, then life gets better. I hope it is a normal size babe, but if I have another giant monster child then that's just fine too :)

And now you might be thinking, don't you live in a two bedroom house? Where are you going to put this baby? The answer? The closet. No, seriously. We have giant closets, two of which are in the nursery, so why not build a crib into the closet? When I first googled "putting baby in closet" I was worried that it would pull up some crazy Child Protective Services stories about babies being put in closets. Turns out a closet nursery is totally a thing. Thank goodness! So that's the plan. The wee one will be in our room like Will was for the first 4 months, then bam, in the closet he/she goes. I thought about moving and getting a bigger space, but it really isn't necessary, not for a few years at least. That's where people get in trouble, they stress and over extend themselves. My plan is to make this house the most organized and efficient house I possibly can. Good thing I LOVE to make lists. I'm going to nest for the next 9 months.

The baby will be a November baby, which means this summer you will find me floating my giant pregnant butt in a pool somewhere, cursing the heat. The kids will be a little over 18 months apart. I was worried about how tired I would be with two small ones, but eventually everyone will sleep well through the night. We don't need anything, we have baby essentials already in the house. If it is a boy then it is set on clothes, and if it is a little girl I'm sure between grandmothers and Aunt Rachel she will be set on clothes as well.

What I don't need are any comments about sleep deprivation, how hard it will be, or any "good luck with that!". I want nothing but a positive and stress free pregnancy. Time to spend with my sweet little William before we add baby number two to the pack. William has already made Brent and I better people, I can't imagine what this sweet pea will bring to the table!

I love being a mom, I love being pregnant, I love my friends, and I love my family. Lets do this.

Making Noms for Your Baby

I was going to make a long blog post about making food for your baby, but I'm sleepy so this is what you get.

You should make food for your baby. It's cheap and easy and healthy.

Go to this site:

www.weelicious.com

It has awesome recipes and is extremely user friendly. I can type in an ingredient, select who it is for (baby or toddler), and it pulls up tins of yummy food!

Tonight I made the red lentil purée. It made enough for the week and I was able to freeze some. We have an ice maker in our freezer so the only ice cube trays I had were some novelty ones that make chess piece ice. Because my husband is a nerd. The purée was delicious and I ended up eating some after I rationed Will's portion for the week. Yum!

What a Healthy Mom Looks Like

I know I've preached about body image for moms a few times now. I dislike the culture that being a new mom has created, the thought that once you've had a baby it's ok to gain weight and eat unhealthy because you are so busy.

I'm not saying that I don't understand where it comes from. Having a baby is extremely hard work. If you stay at home with them then you barely have enough time to do anything for yourself. If you work full time then you still barely have enough time for yourself. There is nothing easy about it. Therefore, us moms, fall back on this excuse. I can't cook a healthy meal every night, I can't work out, I know I'm heavy but I just had a baby! We have to stop with the excuses. The obesity epidemic in this country is overwhelming, and it's up to us moms to put a stop to the madness. We need to be role models not only for other mothers, but more importantly for our children.

So how do you do it? Where do you start?

Self Image

You start with your self image. People think that the way to fitness is purely physical, when I fact it is mostly mental. Who do you see yourself as? Do you wake up and tell yourself that you are a tired mother with too much to do? Or do you wake up and tell yourself you are strong and that you will knock out your to do list one by one. It sounds silly, but it starts with these little mental games. If you don't see yourself as something better, then it will never come to fruition. Have a power phrase. When you wake up, tell yourself something positive for the day. For example, I wake up on a work day and I tell myself that I am a hard worker, that my job is important, that I want to always make a good impression on our clients. I start my day out with a positive view, then I go into work and I do my best. It's the same thing with fitness. Wake up and tell yourself that you aren't a tired mom, you are a strong woman who can take on anything, especially that cute little baby you made.

Set Goals

If we aren't working toward something then we can't better ourselves. I've always struggled with fitness goals. The key is to not set something unrealistic. Make small, tangible goals. Things that you can meet and see the result yourself. If I set a goal that I want to lose 20 lbs, then I am working and working to do that and it may be a while before I see that result. It is a lot easier to get discouraged that way. So set smaller goals, meet those goals, then set a new goal. Whether its being able to run a mile in so many minutes or lose 5 lbs, smaller goals allow us to plan and see results on our way to our big goals.

Diet

The dreaded word. Diet. When you start messing with people's food they get antsy. They get defensive. They start to say thing like can't, won't, or if you take away my bread I will claw your face off. We get into the habit of saying things like "I can't live without Ice cream." What a silly thing to say. You really can't live without these certain food groups? Of course you can. This is where we go back to the mental part of this puzzle. Change your mindset. My example is the choice to live grain free. When my husband started this I thought he was crazy. I would say that I couldn't live without sandwiches, pasta, rice, and oh my goodness DONUTS! Then I would go put on my cute jeans and try to tuck my love handles into my pants. Do I want to go another summer where I am not quite comfortable in that dress, those shorts, that bikini. We are busy, remember? So how can we have time to worry about what we are wearing? So I changed my mindset. Don't focus on what you can't eat, focus on what you can. Find a blog that has easy, healthy cooking ideas and get motivated. For me it is nom nom paleo. I don't necessarily eat 'paleo', but she is a working mother who rocks out at cooking healthy food for her children. Her recipes are easy and her iPad app is extremely helpful.

Preparation

Time management is the name of the game as a mom. I get off at 6pm and have to nurse Will to sleep at 7:30, giving me about an hour to shower, wash bottles, and eat dinner. Cooking is not really an option for me on week nights. So I prepare on the weekends, I spend a few hours on Sunday cooking all of my lunches and prepping my dinners for the whole work week. This allows me to eat healthy all week with no excuses.

Exercise

I used to run. Now I have realized that for me running is not a great option. It's a huge time suck. While I might go for a short run here and there when its warm I can't count on that being my sole form of exercise anymore. Therefore I had to pick something that was easy to do at home and that I can do quickly. For the time being I have chosen doing workouts with kettle bells and my own body weight. I am lucky because Brent is a fitness guru and makes exercise plans for me to do. If your husband doesn't exercise for a living then once again, find a blog or forum that will give you workouts and keep you accountable. My main goal is to one day start crossfit, however our schedules don't allow it right now. Whatever you enjoy, do it, and do it consistently.

The Gist

Think positive and stick with your plan. I am doing the grain free challenge: grain free for 30 days. It's a tangible goal. I am 3 weeks in and I have lost 4 pounds. I am seeing results and feeling great in the process. Once my 30 days are up I will continue being grain free for the most part, but plan on eating wheat on occasion. That way every few months I can eat a pizza or have a donut, it's all about moderation. Grains will not be a part of my everyday diet. Once you pick your thing, own it. Stick with it. Show your kids that health is a priority, it starts with us.

Breastfeeding: 252 days and counting

Here we go again! My favorite topic, boobs. You would think I was a 13 year old boy.

8 months in, still going strong. I can't believe that all my fat boy is getting is breastmilk. He weighs well over 21 lbs and hasn't consistently eaten solids yet. Everyday I try something new, a bite of green beans, a taste of chicken. Now he will gladly open his mouth to try, but usually only take a few bites before he squeezes his lips together and turns away. It's nice to not worry about whether or not he is getting a balanced meal everyday, my boobs are providing everything he needs. So we take it slow, one tiny bite at a time, until he catches on.

Until then we will keep on nursing. He is down to 5 nursing sessions in a 24 hour period, sometimes 4 or sometimes 6, depending on how the day goes. I still hate pumping at work, but whatever the boy needs I'll do. I know that soon we will be done breastfeeding. Once he gets the hang of solids we will cut back on nursing during the day, but I plan on night nursing as much as he wants. The comfort and bonding time that we both get from it is too important to just stop.

Babies need breastmilk for at least 1 year. I'll keep you guys updated on what that one year milestone looks like, feels like, as it is rapidly approaching. As always, I think I have a grand plan, but I'm sure it will change.

2012: our year in review

The year that you have your first child is a memorable one. One minute you feel like you don't know anything, and the next you feel like you are smarter than you have ever been. It is intense. There isn't much else I remember about 2012. We had four full months of this year sans Will, and I hardly remember them. I do remember I ate a lot of doughnuts. Mmmm doughnuts.

I also remember the waiting.

We waited.

And waited.

Eventually we made the decision to go and retrieve our stubborn little boy. 9 days past my due date and he wasn't budging. No contractions. Nothing.

May 1st, 2012. 11:36am. The first time I heard my sweet boy cry. He was perfect.

After William was born it was a whirlwind of emotion. Your body is full of hormones and chemicals that make you deliriously happy while the sleep deprivation makes you irritable and uncertain. The battle that ensues in your brain makes the first few months a blur. Even now as I think back I have a hard time remembering exactly how I felt. I go back and read some of my earlier blogs about how hard it was and all I can do is smile. I don't remember it being that bad, but apparently it was extremely hard. Everything we do now is so routine and comfortable. Was I really that lost in the beginning?

My most vivid memories were of breastfeeding. I do remember how challenging it was, however, now I can't imagine anything else. The bond that I have with my son is unbelievable. I would go through the hard times again and again to have what I have now. Those moments when it is just me and him, snuggled up together. It's really amazing

When I went back to work it was a struggle to find a balance. Brent and I began our new roles as parents. Life moved on with no thought as to how we might feel about it. Before I knew it I was back to my 40 hour work week and Brent was a stay at home dad trying to balance baby and training. He took over so many household chores for me because I was too exhausted after work to cook or clean. I would get home at 6, spend an hour getting ready for work the next day, then spend an hour nursing Will and putting him down for the night. There just wasn't time. Meanwhile, Brent was cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the boy all day. The change was harder than I thought. Even though I knew that my plate was full with baby, breastfeeding, and work, I felt useless not being more of a help around the house. It was hard to let go and relax. It took months for us to really find our groove. We were each having our own little identity crisis. How did we survive it? We supported each other. We were patient with each other. We talked to each other. William made us want to be better people and it turns out all of that change isn't going to happen over night.

Now here we are, 2013. William is growing and changing everyday. You never know what you are going to wake up to. This week he started clapping. Something so simple, yet every time he does it I can't help but laugh and clap with him. Brent has been reminding me to live in the moment when it comes to William. Don't think about when he can walk, talk, or what he will enjoy as a child. Take things day by day and enjoy every minute.

A quick message to William:

You are 8 months old this month. I absolutely can't believe it. Your favorite things are clapping, standing, and getting into things that you aren't supposed to get into. After a month or so of trying to crawl you finally nailed it this week. Now sitting you down in one spot and leaving the room for a second is not an option, even if you are surrounded by toys you will by pass them all to crawl over and pick up a sock or try to pull over the space heater or chew on an electrical cord. We are really in for it when you start walking.

Another favorite thing of yours is me, your momma. Apparently it is an evolutionary thing. When babies realize they can crawl, walk, become mobile it is their instinct to become more clingy to mom. This way they wouldn't wander off and get eaten by a lion or some other predator. Obviously there is nothing that is going to eat you around here, but I love the fact that you adore me right now. I know soon you will become an independent little man and these moments are fleeting.

I love you buddy. Everyday is new and exciting. Thanks for making 2012 the best year yet.

Beautiful After Baby

To all of my soon to be mom friends and all other moms out there...

Not sure if you all have read my blog post about my post Partum body, but I wanted to give a sort of update. I think it's important for us ladies to be reminded that we need to be happy about our bodies after baby.

With that being said, 7 months after baby, I have never felt sexier or more confident about my body. I know that we usually hear the opposite, and there are such negative connotations when it comes to women and their looks after child birth. I'm not sure what happened, but I feel like a grown ass women now. It wasn't my age or my degree or any of my other life accomplishments, it was my son that made me feel like me. I used to freak when I was pregnant that I would never look the same. It's a natural response. However, I can honestly say that there is something magical about being a mother that will make you feel like you can take on anything, love handles and all. Sure, my stomach isn't as tight as it used to be, but I feel beautiful, and you should too. Be healthy, eat right (which means eating the occasional blizzard I think...), and take care of yourself.

Motherhood, parenthood, all of it rocks. If anyone tells you otherwise then they are doing it wrong. I'm not saying it isn't hard, but difficult is different then bad. Remember that and you will be fine.

Hugs and kisses to my hot mommas.

Cloth Diaper Reviews: The good, the rash, and the bulky!

Cloth diapers. Most people hear those two words and cringe. Whether they have kids or not, it's always the same reaction. Cloth diapers? Gross. Good luck. You don't want to do that. I had a friend who used cloth diapers and they all died. DIED!

Because of these reactions I vetoed cloth diapers from the start. I was so concerned with getting breastfeeding right that I couldn't have one more thing to figure out. Thankfully our family stocked us up on disposable diapers, enough to last us a little past the 5 month mark. As our supply dwindled I began to do the math on disposable diaper cost. Damn. It's expensive. Not to mention the giant diaper logs that came out of our diaper genie were now sitting in a landfill somewhere NOT decomposing. Just sitting. Thus, the research began.

The first few blogs that I found were so overwhelming that it would typically end with me closing the laptop and rubbing my temples. So much information and SO many diapers to choose from. I couldn't even comprehend where to begin. Then I found this:

http://www.kitchenstewardship.com/2012/04/24/cloth-diaper-review-whats-the-best-cloth-diaper-for-you/

This woman reviewed 25 styles of diapers and did this amazing comprehensive breakdown on each one, including videos for each on how to put them on, take them off, re-size them, and much more. She even devised a scoring system for each and showed how they worked for her "chunky" baby (sound familiar) and her 3 year old. If it wasn't for this blog I would still be lost in cloth diaper hell.

I read and re-read this blog for weeks, narrowed it down to 6 of my favorites, then watched and re-watched the videos on those 6, and narrowed it down to four. The winners were:

Motherease all in one
Sprout Change
Tuck and Go
Go Green Champ

I ordered a few from each brand and let the cloth diaper games begin.

What I got to start out:

Wet bag- that same blog that I read had reviews on wet bags. Wet bags are actually dry, but are waterproof on the inside so that you can throw soiled diapers into them, then dump the diapers into the wash and throw the wet bag in as well. This saves you from having to wash out a dirty pail. I got the Bumkin wet bag for on the go use because it has a nifty strap that allows you to snap it to the outside strap of your diaper bag and a zipper to keep dirty diapers in. For home use I got the fuzzibuns hanging zippered diaper pail bag. It is much larger than the Bumkin bag and has elastic around the top so that you can line a hamper with it. It also has two loops on the outside so you can just hang it from your changing table or hamper.

Drying rack- these are cheap and very helpful! I keep this next to the changing table and not only hang inserts and covers to dry on it I also store all of my cloth diapers on this. That way they are all hung up and it's easy to see what I have clean, rather than them being cluttered together in a basket or drawer. It will be great to use in the summer when I can hang my inserts and covers outside to dry. I have also found that some of my inserts are still a little damp after a full cycle in the dryer so they will need to be hung up anyway to allow them to dry fully.

REVIEWS:

Before I start, these reviews aren't NEARLY as in depth as the blog I posted earlier. So if you want more info on each of these diapers, including video, please check out her site.

Motherease All In One: $17.95

Brent calls these the "Oops I Crapped My Pants" diaper.

These diapers are great for night time use or if you are just hanging around the house with a naked baby. I don't use them when we go out mostly because they are HUGE and don't fit under clothes well.  For the most part they are easy to put on, with multiple snaps for multiple sizes. I will say that it is hard to line up the right snaps for the right size when you are in a dark nursery at 3 in the morning. However, I think it will get easier the more I use it. With no inserts or stuffing it makes it very easy to grab and snap on in the middle of the night.

Night 1: Put on at 7:00pm, Will woke up to nurse at 3:30am and there was no leaking. I put on a new one and when Will had woken up at 8:00am it had leaked pretty badly. I think it was an error on my end though, I had only washed them once and they say that you should wash multiple times to reach maximum absorbency. Also, I don't think I got it tight enough because of the aforementioned confusing snaps.

Night 2: the first diaper went on at 7:30 and lasted until 2 with no leaks, 2nd one went on at 2 and lasted until 6:30 with no leaks. I'm impressed.

I also used this diaper while we were just hanging around the house. Once again, it is too big to fit under clothing well, but it did great with just a t-shirt on. Will seemed comfy and there were no leaks the entire time he had it on (about 3 hours total with a nap).

Final Thoughts: This diaper is my favorite for hanging around the house. With no insert it is easy to throw on and he is comfy while he plays. I wouldn't use this one out and about just because it is so bulky.

Sprout Change: $16.95 for cover, $4.75 for inserts (Note that cover can be used multiple times before washing)

These diapers are cute AND easy. I was leery of them because the insert doesn't snap in or go in a pocket and I was worried about how well they would stay in place. It was the cover in the end that won me over. So far it is the easiest to take on and off and the fabric is wonderful. Waterproof, fits well around the belly and legs, reversible, and I can use the cover 3-4 times before washing it.

Day 1: Once again, this isn't as accurate as it should be because I am impatient and only washed the inserts once before using. The first time I put it on it lasted 2 1/2 hours with no leaks. The second time I changed it after 2 hours with no leaks, and the third time it leaked after only an hour. Interested to see how long they last with multiple washes.

Day two: I love this diaper! It is so simple and Will can go hours with no leaks. I typically change him every 2-3 hours because I worry about diaper rash. With these inserts I have been hand washing them with dreft detergent because pee doesn't bother me at all. I get peed on all the time at work so this is no biggie for me to grab and wash quickly, then throw in the dryer. I'm not sure what hand washing does for long term cleanliness, so we will see if they start to smell funny. I don't think it will be a problem since they are still being washed in the washer every other day no matter what.

Final Thoughts: I think I am certain enough to say that this one is my favorite. When used with the inserts that came with it I can go 2-3 hours without changing him with no leaks. I also LOVE that is is so thin and fits easily in clothing.

Tuck and Go: $15.00 a cover and $25.00 for 3 inserts

These diapers are pretty cool. Brent likes them a lot, but so far they aren't my favorite. They have a special insert that "tucks" into the diaper to help hold it in place. They are easy to put together, and easy to put on since they have Velcro instead of snaps.

I like the inserts, I like the colors they come in, but I am not a fan of the Velcro. If it isn't on just right then the Velcro rubs his tummy and causes a red spot. Brent tends to have less trouble then I do with them. I also feel like the insert isn't the most absorbent and I have had many leaks with it. Brent says he has not had too many leaks, and I think this is the only diaper that we do not agree on.

Final Thought: I was ready to write this one off the first time he had a rash on his tummy. However, I am willing to give them another try since Brent is so fond of them. The blog lady was also pretty fond of them, so I will keep using them and see if they end up working for me.


Go Green Champ 3.0: $15.95

Cute, cute, cute! My big draw to this diaper was the way it looked. It is a pocket diaper, meaning you stuff the insert into a pocket. I like this brand because the insert snaps in to place, and instead of having to pull the insert out before washing you can just throw the whole diaper in the wash and it self agitates itself out. Super cool.

I have had this diaper leak quite a bit, but I still really like the way it fits. It is easy to put on and take off. Based on the review from the super blogger all of these diapers did better the more they were washed and dried. I'm wondering if these will leak less the more we use them. This diaper also has a TON of snaps for sizing on them, so it may be a matter of us not putting it on him quite right.

Final Thoughts: I really want this diaper to work because I feel like it fits so well and I do like the inserts. I have also had a few poo-splosions in these that have not leaked, which is always a plus.

To make a long story short....

So which one so we like the best? I think my favorite so far is the Sprout Change. It really does not get easier to put on, I love that there aren't a million snaps on the outside and that adjusting the size is easy. I also love that it is slim fitting which makes putting clothes over it a sinch. And I swear this thing RARELY leaks. The only time I have had it leak was the first day I used it and when I used a tuck and go insert with the cover instead of the one that came with it. I also love that I can reuse the waterproof cover without washing it. If it gets pee on it I rinse it off in the sink and throw it in the dryer or hang dry and I can reuse it. So simple. Brent's front runner is the tuck and go. He had a bad leak with the sprout change a few days ago so he wants to give them a few days before we declare a winner.

Overall our experience has been great. I think it's easy to keep up with the laundry and I HATE doing laundry. If we can do it, anyone can! I typically do a load once a day or once every other day. I admit that I use disposable night time diapers at night. The Motherease did really well, but I hate the thought of having to get up more times than I have to for a leaky diaper. I'm a chicken. A sleepy, sleepy chicken.

I really wish that we had used cloth diapers all along. We still have disposables on stand by for babysitters and just in case we blow through our stash. Once we pick a favorite we plan on buying a few more, but even with only 13 we can last 2 days easy.

Hope this was somewhat helpful! Check out the blog I posted earlier if you need more info on the diapers I talked about here. Good luck!

A note to my son: 6 Months

Dear William,

It's crazy to think that you are 6 months old. This time last year you couldn't even tell I was pregnant, and now I can't imagine life without you.

You now have a personality and I'm glad to say that you are a fun baby. You are always smiling and laughing and you are so inquisitive. If there is something you can grab then you grab it and ultimately it ends up in your mouth. Many a time I've had to dig paper out of your mouth because you've snagged an envelope or magazine without me noticing. It makes everything a little more interesting and everyday I realize the second you can walk we are in big trouble.

Which brings me to my next topic. Laying on your back and just hanging out was so two months ago. You aren't happy unless you are rolling around or sitting up. I'm sure you will be crawling soon, your dad swears that you crawled a little the other day but I've yet to see it so I think he's crazy. We have to be really careful if you are on the couch or bed because you will roll right off. Good thing babies are bouncy....

You've also started to snuggle with us when we hold you. You bury your head in our necks and grab us with both hands. The overwhelming happiness that I get when you do this is indescribable. You especially love it if your dad and I hug and kiss you at the same time. It sends you into fits of giggles and squeals. I could listen to your laugh all day.

Halloween was a few days ago. You were a lumberjack. It was awesome.

6 months has truly flown by. I feel as though your dad and I have changed for the better now that you are around. In these short 6 months we have grown from "new parents" into a mother and a father. Having a baby is hard work. Just the other day your dad sent me a text chronicling what is now known as "poo-ocalypse", where you somehow pooped up your back and onto your arms while standing in your exersaucer. You've done it one time to me as well, and I must say it was quite the harrowing experience. But even covered in poop you are still pretty cute.

We love you so much. I'm so excited to see what the next 6 months brings.

Love,
Mom

Anniversary Post: 6 years of Marriage

If you haven't already noticed, I love my husband. A lot. So if other people talking about their love for one another grosses you out then look away, it's about to get real icky in here.

Today we celebrate 6 years of marriage, and in 2 months 8 years of being together. When we first met we were head over heals for each other. We both fell hard and were telling our friends that we were going to marry each other with no doubt in our minds. None.

2 years after we met we were tying the knot, and every year after that has been one of growth and love and tests. I know that most people looked at us when we first met and made bets about when the honeymoon phase would wear off. Not because they were being mean, but mostly because we were that obnoxiously in love. Something that good never lasts, at least not typically. Yet here we are with years behind us and still going strong. There were those who said "wait until you live together for "x" number of years." So we did, and have, and it's been great. Then those who said wait until you get married, everything changes. Then we did, and we are, and I still get excited to talk to Brent everyday. Then there were those who said just wait until the honeymoon is over. We waited, it came, and went, and here we are 6 years in and still we are filling our days with 'I love you' and kisses. And of course, the big one, just wait until you have kids. The kid is here, it's no walk in the park, but our marriage has never been stronger. And actually, we take lots of walks in the park....

I don't care if we are annoying or if people read this post and barf on their computer. Our relationship works because we want it to work. There have been times when we could have had 'blow out' fights but we respect each other too much to let that happen. Our relationship, while easier than most, is still something we work at every single day. We want it to work so it does. That's our big secret. We apologize to each other when we do something wrong. We talk things out when there is an issue (or Brent talks until I have no choice but to talk back). We are there for each other, no matter what.

Brent Weedman, I love you. I love that you are constantly introducing me to new things like music and food and life experiences. You push me to be a better person and to grow. I am so thankful for the respect you have for me and the love you have for your son. Thank you for letting me be my weird self and here is to many more year to come.

Natural birthing experience: Guest post!

Not much going on around here, besides William being adorable and awesome. I thought it would be a good time to share my first guest post! Once again, I want my blog to be as helpful as possible to soon to be moms. I have already shared my birthing story so here is another from a friend of mine. This story is beautiful and well written. It is the complete opposite of my own experience and I am so thankful that my friend, Megan, shared it with me and so graciously allowed me to post it for all of you. Enjoy.

Birth Story

This is not the first time I have written out the story of how my daughter came to be in my arms from being in my womb. Every time I write it its a little different. Certain things stand out more than other times. While in labor, you are partially in a haze. Certain things around the edges disappear, while other things are brought into sharper focus. And I found that I had a degree of control over this. I could move things around. Like Debbie Downer nurse. She was sharply in focus at first, but I moved her to blurry land. But we'll get to her later...

I should take this moment to remind you: when giving birth, you see and talk about body parts that are normally covered up. It's also pretty messy. So if you're going to react with "OMG she just said PLACENTA. I think that's a cuss word in Italian." Just. Stop. Reading.

Saturday morning, I wake up and go pee for the 157th time in the past 5 hours. Lo and behold, plop goes my mucus plug. I rush back to the bedroom and grab my Birthing the Bradley Way book and flip to the First Signs of Labor Chapter: "do not get excited if you're mucus plug drops as this is the most uncertain sign of labor beginning."  Yeah, too late, I'm excited. But I push that away into the "undelt with emotions" box (I don't handle disappointment well) and decide to go about my day as normal....that is after I rush around like a crazed woman cleaning every inch of the house *just in case* I go into labor today. I know I will be distracted by a mess. I realize this makes me slightly neurotic but I'm ok with that. I tell Justin of aforementioned mucuspluglossage and tell him he needs to stay close today. He has a habit of "going to the record store" and not returning for 8 hours because a train drove by that he decided would be superbly romantic to follow to the next little town. I'm chasing rabbits here: back to labor.

Around lunch time I start to get these curious sensations. They feel a little like menstrual cramps, or constipation...which is a very real option, pooping is hard when you're 9 months pregnant. No, um...pun  intended. I read in my book again what a contraction is supposed to feel like, and these sensations don't seem like contractions. I'm only feeling vague discomfort below my belly in my pelvic area. Like CRAMPS. How many times did people tell me "It's not like period cramps". This is a falsehood. So like every good First Time Bradley student, I go through the eat, sleep, walk routine. These ambiguously vague not-contrationy like sensations continue all afternoon. They form a regular rhythm. They increase in intensity. They are still not painful, but enough to make me take notice. "It says my belly is supposed to get hard, I can't feel my belly getting hard!" So I make Justin sit behind me and place his hands on my stomach. I give him a play by play of the rising and falling of these vague and starting to get a little annoying lower abdominal something-or-others. He can't feel my belly getting hard or soft either. Ok fine, its not labor...maybe its braxton hicks? Who knows. All I know is first time pregnant people have lots of: "starting & stopping, nope just kidding" labor deals and I just cannot be bothered to get all worked up if this is going to be nothing. It's still 9 days till my due date and first timers aren't early, they are late. So I continue to putter around trying to ignore the party going on in my lower abdomen. Its unseasonally warm for February. Justin and I spend alot of time outside, and have what I didn't know at the time was to be our last tender moments just the two of us. It was a lovely day. But these pesky weirdo crampy things are getting more intense. I need a distraction. I send Justin out to retrieve Nanny McPhee 2. A good British children's movie always does the trick. While he is gone I start tracking these I-am-now-in-denial-are-contractions. 10 mins apart, 7 mins apart, 6 mins apart. After 2 Redboxes and a Blockbuster, Justin returns with said kids flick. 10 minutes into it we have to turn it off. I am starting to have to concentrate. The movie feels overwhelming. I need darkness and quiet. Then I suddenly remember Laura, my doula made me a lavendar rice bag. Even if I'm not in labor, that sure would feel good on my belly right now. So Justin calls her.

Laura walks in to find me on all fours, bent over the arm of our couch. She cocks her head to the side and sagely states "I'm pretty sure you're having a baby today." It is now 9pm. Ok, I'm convinced. I am in labor. I am having a baby. I am super pumped. It is now officially game time in my brain. Cups of tea are made. (for my super awesome birth team of Faithful Husband and Awesome Doula Friend) buckets and towels are brought near. Pen and paper are retrieved for tracking progress. We are still camped out in the living room. I am able to have conversation and sit up between contractions, but I have to focus and relax my body during them. I try different positions and Laura tries different counter pressures but because the contractions are still bumping and griding UNDER my belly, I find that being on all fours and letting my giant baby carrying tum tum hang freely is what feels best. Unfortunately my arms are already getting tired from holding myself up. Time passes, more quickly than I expected. It is now about 11pm. I get in and out of the bathtub, more tea is made, the lavender rice bag from heaven is continually heated up and stretched over my aching lower belly. Then the puking starts. What? I am NOT in transition. Not even close. Oh, I get to puke off and on the whole time I'm laboring? Swell. I *love* puking. Strangely enough, vomiting is somehow a relief from contraction pressure. It causes those tight muscles to spread upward as I heave. Momentary relief, followed immediately by an even more intense contraction. I'm starting to feel tired. But just as if they read my thoughts, Justin and Laura tell me what a good job I'm doing. How awesome and productive my contractions are. How strong I am. How exciting that we get to meet baby sha soon. A mighty roadblock is erected on my mental path toward doubtfulness. More time passes. More baths and showers, more cups of tea, more puking. I really want to poop. The house remains dark, quiet and peaceful. Justin stays glued to my side, whispering sweetly in my ear how proud he is, holding my hand when needed, giving me space when needed. I am tired. I feel like I could actually sleep. I lay down in bed and fall into a quasi-nap. Briefly losing consciousnesses between contractions. Laura continues to track as she listens to my faint groanings from the living room. As I lay I ponder the journey to the hospital. It is starting to feel insurmountable, moving is so painstakingly difficult. Riding in the car seems like torture. I know that I am not nearing the pushing stage, but I feel its time to go. It is 4am. It is a great effort to get dressed. Had it not been February I probably would have begged to stay naked. Yeah, I was a naked laborer. It baffles me how you could even distinguish whether or not you are dressed while laboring, it is so insignificant. Clothing is definitely in blurry land.

The car ride is not so very torturous thanks to an excellent husband chauffeur. However, I lose track of relaxing and become very stiff on that car ride, which is uncomfortable. I am wheeled up to L & D and we pull up to the registration desk. "MY NAME IS MEGAN SHAFFER, I AM IN ACTIVE LABOR AND I AM PREREGISTERED!" I proudly announced. Desk lady is nonplussed. Apparently there is more paperwork to fill out. This is an outrage. I am ready to get settled, I am ready to get this baby out, how the HELL do you expect me to fill out damn papers?! Oh...my husband can do it while I go to triage? Oh, ok. I have now reached the part of labor I have been most dreading. The hep lock. Really? I know, I know- I'm about to push a human out of my vagina and I'm FREAKING OUT about a needle in my hand. YES!!! Fortunately my triage nurse is kindhearted, my age and also pregnant. She does not look at me like I have a third head when I start to sob about the hep lock and hysterically beg her not to put it in. She has to. I knew it. I turn my head as my juicy veins spray like a Quentin Tarantino movie. Justin almost passes out. A vampire would have had a hey day in there. And then it is over. I now have the horribly distracting thing in my hand. should have had a home birth... My vitals and baby's vitals are checked. We are awesome. Internal exam (bleck HORRIBLE) reveals I am 5 cent and 100% effaced. I forget my station. I never really remember what that is anyway. Sorry Dr. Bradley.  I am a little surprised to only be at 5 cent, but I know that doesn't mean anything. Dilation is an unpredictable road. I'm super pumped about my effacement. We fiiiiiiiiinally get to the room. My nurse is wonderful. She is super excited I'm laboring naturally. Brings me a birthing ball, tells me to roam around freely and essentially leaves me alone to work. She offers me a Popsicle. I consider this a moment. I know that a hospital popsicle is toxic waste, but something cold and wet and sweet sounds nice so I accept. It was the best high fructose corn syrup red dye number 5 artificially flavored popsicle I've ever tasted. I feel refreshed, and settled. I think its time to poop. I've wanted to for hours, but pooping brings us to my second biggest labor fear: hemorrhoids. Ok people- I realize my labor fears are kinda silly but when you have that much stage fright about pooping, you have a lot saved up in there and I wanted to be cleared out at this point. Long story short, there is success. Moving on...

Horribly, there is a shift change. In walks Debbie Downer nurse. Friendly Nurse tries to hang around to meet the baby, but I still have just a few hours to go. Debbie Downer nurse is very uncomfortable with the fact that I am going natural and am not constantly hooked up to the fetal heart monitor. I am vaguely aware of her awkwardness but I choose not to receive it. Which is funny to me. I am a people pleaser and am very affected by how everyone feels around me and yet I could care less if Debbie Downer nurse existed or knew who I was or if she was pleased or not. I take a delirious moment to thank God for his grace. Being hooked and unhooked to the monitor is really taxing. I actually enjoy hearing baby's heartbeat and hearing Laura tell me how baller and huge and productive my contractions are but I am having to completely focus on not tensing up through my contractions which are now only giving me a few moments rest in between. Having to move back and forth from monitor chair to wherever else I was in the room is too much at this point. So I end up planted in a hospital armchair for the remainder of my labor. I realize this is not really a great position but I'm too effing tired and contractions are too strong to keep moving. This is one of those "next time I'll do differently moments. While sitting in this chair, my water breaks. It doesn't hurt, and its not as much water as I thought. I am now 8 cent. I feel so thankful that my bag of waters stayed so strong this whole time. I know I am nearly there, that my labor will now speed on to the finish. And boy does it. If I thought I couldn't move before, I am now paralyzed to this horrible chair because my contractions are non-stop wave upon wave. Close to no relief between. Maybe 10 seconds. I am beyond exhausted. I start to feel really weak, and the thought "I don't know if I can do this" finally enters my mind. I am scared to say this out loud because then it would seem more real. Justin and Laura are on either side of me, holding my hands whispering praise. My mom is there too, sitting quietly across the room. She got there at some point...who knows when. Hi mom! My head is falling back in between my now epic contractions. Its hard to stay awake yet I certainly could not sleep right now. But I want to so badly. Just a nap. The pain is intense but not unbearable.The hardest part is its so energy consuming. Is there something I could take that would allow me a 45 min power nap? I do NOT want an epidural, I know its not an option but maybe there's some lesser drug that would just take the edge off? Maybe Laura has some magical herb in her pocket? Hey everyone, Meg is in transition! Meg is completely unaware that she is in transition! Which is also a sign she is in transition! I can't take it anymore, I look imploringly to Justin and Laura and voice my concerns. They are prepared for this. They do not offer drugs, but offer sympathy, encouragement and resolve. This is far more valuable. They also notice that I strategically wait to voice these concerns till after Nurse Annoying has left the room. I also strategically do not look at my mom when I beg for drugs. I know it will be all over then. She will not be able to resist my pitiful and weepy demeanor and I will not be able to resist her motherly care. So I just look at Laura and Justin and shoot their pep talk into my veins and get over the hump. I am impatient. I want to be DONE. I want to meet my baby. Another horrible internal from Nurse Annoying (also referred to as Debbie Downer Nurse. Same lady) who is NOT gentle. I should have had more resolve to say no to internals- another "next time" realization. 9 cent. I decide to do some practice pushes. I am really uncertain of what it means to push. What it will feel like. (Its basically like pooping, expect you're pooping a baby out your vagina. weird, I know) So I'm essentially just grunting and flexing my upper ab muscles but I am doing nothing of the sort close to pushing. Negative Nancy Nurse freaks out and tells me to stop. I decidedly ignore her. Finally, after what seems like an eternity it is announced that we have arrived at 10 cent and I can begin the process of poppin' this kid out!

This gives me new resolve. And I'm happy to finally DO something besides sit in a chair and breathe through contractions. I will say this: as much as I desired a midwife and unfortunately that didn't work out for me this time, my obgyn was awesome. She was completely supportive of me working with my body. She never told me when to push, only helpful tips on how to push effectively, and LOTS of encouragement. She even put Nurse Annoying in her place a couple times. heheh. Laura and Justin are still on either side of me, holding my hands. I could not do this without them. I look into their faces for the first time in what seems like years and I see pride. I look at my husband positively beaming at me, tears running down his cheek. I can do this. I'm going to have this babe in my arms soon. Pushing feels productive. And painful. Some people are blessed with glorious hormonal numbness of the vag during pushing, I was sadly not possessed with this gift. I could feel that ring of fire. And frankly I didn't care. The doctor tells me how impressed she is with my babe's strong and courageous heart beat.
"We see hair! Lots of hair" *so* glad all that heartburn had a purpose.
"Just a few more pushes!"
And finally, after what seems like years, and yet minutes, I have a child on my belly, rather than in. This babe is so warm, and more sturdy than I imagined. Perfection. But we STILL don't know the gender! I have to ask- it's a girl. A daughter! I laugh because no one, not a soul, thought I was having a girl. A grand surprise indeed. All agony is forgotton, but I am tapped out. All the capillaries in my face are busted. I probably have vomit in my hair. I need someone to invent a new word for exhausted to describe the state of my body. But I feel euphoric. I feel I could dance. No, not really. I feel I could not move, but my heart was dancing. I love her. I love her. Its a love I've never experienced before. It's a love beyond description. My heart feels cramped in my cheast, like it needs to spill over and be shared. My sweet daughter, can I share my heart with you? I long to give you some of this love, for you to know it. They say she's not breathing as well as they want, and I need to be stitched up but I am at peace. That beautiful God given peaces that goes beyond understanding.I know she is fine. Justin whips his shirt off to give her skin to skin while my battle worn jay jay is repaired. She immediately starts to root on daddy. Smart girl. My Ireland Ruth. I think of my dad and how proud he would be of her. How proud he would be of me. I have a moment of sadness, but nothing can stop this moment from being absolute bliss. I feel empowered. I just did that. I don't particularly want to do it again soon, but man, I actually did it! I feel at home, at ease. I am a mother. It's like my calling has been realized. I never thought about it before, but this is what I want to do the rest of my life. Which is good, since children are a permanent fixture.

Ireland Ruth Shaffer: 8 pounds even, 19 inches long. Born at 10:20am February 20th after a full 23 1/2 hours of labor. Welcome home little one, welcome home.

Rabble Rabble

I don't rant often, but I'd like to rant a little today.

I can't really tell if it really is a big deal, or if I'm just so submerged in it that I can't see out of this little world, but what is the deal with breastfeeding beng so controversial? What is the deal, people?

I thought about typing out a big long blog about breastfeeding and how it is amazing for baby and mom and it is what is supposed to happen. Then I realized the people who already know that don't need to be told again, and those with issues about breastfeeding, whether it is a problem with doing it in public or whatever, are just uneducated about the facts and they can google them if they are so inclined.

What I've decided to say is this: Shut up. Everyone, shut it. Nursing in public is NO BIG DEAL. If you don't want to see a woman's boob and you are staring at her while she gets situated to feed her child then LOOK AWAY. Quit staring. And don't give me the "I can't help but look, it's right in front of me." You can look elsewhere, with your eyeballs that you control with your brain. Move them away from the mother who is breastfeeding. I PROMISE that she does not want you to stare at her boob either, she just wants to feed her kid without hiding in the car or pumping that day so that she can bring a bottle with her while she is out. Women who are brave enough to feed in public aren't doing it to make a point or make you uncomfortable, they are doing it because their baby needs to eat and they happen to be out. They do not need to work out their schedule and stress because you have nothing better to do then give mean glances. JEEZ people. Also, if there is a woman at your place of work that pumps and you see her walking to put her pumped milk in the fridge don't make a big deal out of it. We all know that you know what just happened. She sat in a room hooked up to a machine that pumped her breasts. She doesn't want to sit in that room hooked up to that machine, but she does it because she is making sure that her baby has the best possible nutrition. Pumping sucks. So don't throw out any cow jokes, don't make jokes about "drinking the milk" or "putting it in coffee" or anything along those lines. And don't make faces or say "that's gross", or "yuck". What are you, fucking 6 years old? Are you auditioning for the sequel to the movie Mean Girls?

Breastfeeding is hard enough without society downing it all of the time. It is hard, it is emotional, it is intense. If you have not breastfed a child or been around a breastfeeding mother then I do not expect you to understand. The emotional bond that comes with breastfeeding is raw and NO ONE should judge or comment on any other woman's breastfeeding relationship with her child.

Once again, I think I may just be too close to the situation. Some of my friends may read this and think I've lost my mind. But what I'm saying means something to me. So, if you have a friend, a family member, or co-worker who is breastfeeding, then be supportive. It is that simple.

4 month checkup (18 weeks)

Will had his 4 month check up today! The time flies, doesn't it? He weighed in at 16 lbs 12 oz, 25 inches long, and size giant head. No, seriously, still in the 100th percentile for head size.

Today we talked solids. When to introduce food, what food to introduce, and how long before he can start drinking beer*.

Brent and I had lots of questions about food. Since we met 8 years ago we have been on a food journey. We have gone from being not very healthy eaters, to vegetarian, and now trying out the paleo diet which is basically eating actual food and nothing processed. Crazy, right? During the past eight years we have learned so much and are looking forward to introducing our love and understanding of food on to our kids. To not only eat variety, but to also understand where food comes from and exactly what you are eating.

Our first concern was with rice cereal. We wanted to know why it is the first choice for solid foods. We were weary because rice is not the most nutritional thing and we wanted to avoid giving Will "filler" foods. The doctor explained that it is easy on there sensitive guts and gets them used to swallowing foods. Makes sense. We then went on to when to introduce other foods. You are supposed to introduce one food at a time and feed only that food for 3-4 days to make sure they don't have an allergic reaction to it. She recommended starting with green vegetables, then moving on to other colored veggies, then fruits. She recommends fruits last because we know that kids (or people in general) will eat the sugary stuff. She then advised that around 9 months you can start giving them whatever it is that you are eating. Her kids were eating Indian food by 9 months. I didn't ask what those diapers looked like....

I am excited to start solids even though it means that Will is continuing to grow up. Dammit. We plan on starting at 6 months of age (24 weeks).

Will also got his second set of vaccines today. He cried but pulled himself together after a hug from me and a smile from dad. What a brave boy!

Other things that have happened this week: TEETH! The top middle teeth have finally cut through, marking the end of a tough week. These have been much more painful for him than the bottom two. SLEEP! Although we had 4 rough nights due to teething he surprised us by sleeping 3 full nights back to back. Not a peep from 8pm-8am. The past few nights he has been waking up his typical one time to nurse, but those 12 hour nights were a welcome surprise! Thanks buddy! MOVING! Will has been getting better and better at controlling his movements. He is very close to sitting up on his own and loves to stand (with help from us of course). Tummy time is now squirmy time as he kicks and wriggles trying to get away.


*turns out babies can have beer at the age of 21 years.

Perfection

After having Will I always wondered how someone could have more kids. I know, it sounds terrible, but it's the truth. The first month of his life was hard, exhausting, and overwhelming. Why would anyone want to do this twice? Or three or four or oh my goodness five times? Were they crazy?

Then things calmed down and I finally began sleeping again and I realized I could do it again. Definitely.

There are many reasons that having a baby is awesome, but let me pick just one for you.

It's that moment right before bed. That moment when you are rocking them to sleep in your arms and they are perfectly content. Everything they could ever possibly want or need is there. They are safe in your arms, with no worries or cares or problems. It is perfection. It's a happiness and love that I can't even begin to describe. This moment is so fleeting that I ache to think it will one day end. And as much as I look forward to watching him grow there is a part of me that will always long for the times where all Will wants or needs is to be in my arms.

Another post about sleep: Crib edition

When you have a baby most of your life revolves around sleep. Getting the baby to sleep, where they sleep, how long they sleep, how often you sleep, etc, etc. All you think about is sleep. I had made the decision from the get go to have Will sleep in a co-sleeper by our bed. I wanted him close by to minimize crying and make sure he stayed alive through the night. I was a big fan of constantly checking him since he was right by us, which I thought was calming my nerves, but may have been making me crazier. I wasn't sure when we would switch him to his crib but I wanted it to be gradual and on his terms to minimize stress.

I did some research to see when other moms make the switch and found that it really depends on you and your baby. Some do it during the first few months, while others co-sleep until there child is ready to move to their bed on their terms. Some even start the baby out in the crib after bringing them home from the hospital. I first set a goal for having him in our room for 3 months, then possibly start the transition.

Three months came, and three months went. At that 12 week mark I wasn't ready to move him out of our room. Even just the mention of it gave me anxiety. Brent would say something like "let's try him in his crib tonight" and I would scowl. My crazy mom hormones would flare up and I would think to myself "might as well just let him sleep in the shed!". Brent must have felt the tension and would let the subject go without pushing.

Around 14 weeks I started to notice he was outgrowing his rock and play sleeper. He would move around a lot at night and slide down causing him to be bunched up. Since he is a bigger than average baby I figured the switch to his much roomier crib was imminent and began preparing myself. Oh yeah, and preparing the baby. But mostly preparing myself.

We started by doing naps in the crib. He would usually wake up pretty quickly and we were lucky to get a solid 45 minutes out of him. After about 10 solid days of crib naps I let him sleep from 8pm until 11 or 12 in the crib, then would wake him up, nurse him, and switch him to our bedside. Then, at 16 weeks old we made the full jump. I chose a week where I only had half days at work so that I could get some extra sleep if he was up more than usual through the night.

Night 1: Rocked to sleep around 8, then he was up at 11:30, 2, 5, and up at  7:30 screaming his head off. He never wakes up sad so this kind of bummed me out and a part of my mom brain was telling me that he wasn't ready for the switch. My logical brain then reminded me that it was only night one and I need to chill out. I would still consider it a successful night.

Night 2: Rocked to sleep at 8, then he was up at 2:30, 5:30, then up at 7:30 with a smile on his face. Better.

Night 3: Rocked to sleep at 8:30, up at 5:45, then up at 9am. Did you catch that? Asleep at 8:30.....then awake at 5:45am. That is 9 HOURS OF SLEEP. What changed? I assume mostly that he was just getting used to being in the crib, and also I wedged him between a pillow and a blanket so that he wouldn't flail his arms. and wake himself up. Nothing near his face, just something that made him feel more secure if he did wake up.

Night 4: Rocked to sleep at 9, up at 4:45, then up at 9. This is the day I decided my baby is an f'ing rock star. Pardon my language, but seriously. My baby is the best baby.

So far he has been pretty consistent. There are times when he wakes up and starts to make noise. If he does this we will quietly go into the room, put a hand on his chest, and wait for him to go back to sleep. I want him to know that we are always there before he gets upset and this seems to be working well with him. He will stare at us and slowly drift off to sleep again. Once again, I am very aware that things could change next week or even tonight for that matter, but I consider our transition to crib a MAJOR success. It was harder for me than I ever thought it would be, but he loves to stretch out in his bed. My advice is to take your time and do what is comfortable for you. If you aren't ready then don't push it because you will only stress and your baby will know something is up. I will say that it is nice to have our room back and that one on one time with Brent where we don't have to whisper or tip toe around.

Animals

I was thinking the other day about our pets and William. I realized that more than likely these dogs and cats will be a foggy memory in Will's life. In reality they have been through so much with Brent and I that I can't imagine life without them. As they age I begin to wonder what Will is going to remember about them. I hope that he can get some fond memories with these guys before they pass on. And William, if that's not possible, let me tell you about our pets.

First it is important to understand that I love animals. Most people do, and If they don't then they are probably weirdos, but I like to think my affinity for them is different than most. I love animals so much that I have made a career out of caring for them, and I love my job. Thankfully your father loves animals too, and throughout the years he put up with me bringing home dogs and cats left and right. Most animals were fosters who were only with us briefly before going on to their forever homes, but some stuck.

Maki

When I moved in with your father Maki came with me. She had been abandoned at the animal hospital I worked at when she was only 8 weeks old. He came to my work and I brought her up to him and told him that she needed a home. She wrapped her little puppy dog arms around his neck and the rest is history. Maki has a special place in my heart. She is sweet and calm but doesn't go out of her way to make new friends. She loves the people she loves deeply and likes her routine. If something is askew she worries and frets. Maki has been with us from the beginning. She has made the move from apartment to apartment and house to house. She was sitting on the couch when your dad proposed and she was at my feet as we planned our wedding. When I took the pregnancy test to see if you were coming she paced the floor with me. She has sat by my side through tears and through joy. In the year that you were born she will be 9. It pains me to think that she is old, and if I could thank her for being such a good dog I would. I hope that you can look back and remember her in some way.

Maebe

Maebe was a spry 6 week old kitten when we brought her home. A friend that I worked with found a litter of kittens under her house and brought them into work. They were all pretty cute, but Maebe stuck out because of the orange dot on her head. Your father wasn't a huge cat fan, but I talked him into bringing her home. She won him over quickly and her and Maki really like hanging out. To this day they still snuggle with each other. As far as cats go, she's a good one. She turned 8 this year.

Ricky

Ricky is your father through and through. We rescued him after he was abandoned at another clinic. He is a big tough guy but super sweet. He is goofy and funny and sure thinks you are special. He likes to give you kisses but we have to watch him because he gets very excited and won't stop kissing you. Today you were laying on the bed and he wanted to be touching you so he almost laid on your head. Ricky is five this year, and I think once you start crawling and walking you two will be the best of friends.

Shirley

Shirley is very,...peculiar. I bottle raised her and she turned out a little crazy. She LOVES me, but usually hides under the bed when other people are around or if your dad is home alone. I was worried that she would lose it when you came around, but she has actually become a little nicer. She really likes you and has let you pet her on multiple occasions. Cats tend to live longer than dogs so I have a feeling that you will actually remember Shirley and Maebe more than the pups.

So that's what you are surrounded by. Our house will never be without animals, so I hope that you love them as much as we do.